She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
