that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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