she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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