I bet he comes in French.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
