My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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