I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize