when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
