Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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