they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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