"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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