Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
