Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
