I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
