Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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