For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
