If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
