I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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