someone threw a dead crab at me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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