She said her name was "party"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
