Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
