yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
