what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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