i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it hurts more in the daytime
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
