New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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