The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
