i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
