My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
