yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
