when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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