I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
