I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it hurts more in the daytime
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
