I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
