dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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