her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
