you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
