We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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