YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
