Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
