hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
