he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize