Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
