i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
