Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
