The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
