people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
