In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
