I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
