You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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