just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
