We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
