the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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