exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
