Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
