GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize