I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
