Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
