like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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