we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
