non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
