Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
