Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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