Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
