Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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