so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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