She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
