On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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