Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
