it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
being pregnant is like rehab
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
