I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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