I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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