"it" just moved
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
