I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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