When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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