if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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