If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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