I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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