You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
