No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
