Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
