its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize