I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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